A Weird Sadness

Today I left Statia.

I spent the morning packing up my stuff, taking care of all the loose ends that my last-weekend-on -the-island-affected brain could recall, and trying to calm down.

Ive been on a lot of fieldwork by now, and I have never had such a difficult time as I did on Statia. I also have never been so sad to leave! Its just crazy, and Im sitting in a little shanty bar tacked on the side of an abandoned boat in St Maarten, reflecting on it now.


Shadow's Bar

It just goes to show that life isnt just about pursuing the good stuff. In a way, maybe its arrogant to think that we know what we need. People are so complex and even hard experiences can turn out to be the best when you look back on them.

At least I lasted it: there were numerous times when I wanted to quit, and leave the island. I could have too, I got a big ass credit card. But I stayed, and got through the hard days.

Back then the hardest thing was living with people in a confined space, every day, with people who were difficult to live with (myself included). Now the hard thing is leaving people who I actually care about behind, and knowing that I must stop thinking about them, as the kilometers of ocean and continent separate us as I move inexorably West.

But they have done alot for me. I feel like I am stronger now for having met these people, and feel good because of how we good we got along. Im used to being a loner, and my time on Statia is another big brick saying that I dont have to be.

Building man.

Well, thats enough. Time to look forward and be grateful. Gonna take it easy today in St Maarten, I can hear Shadow the Haitian cooking up my chicken and mushroom. Gonna go buy some shit, have a swim, and wake up tomorrow,

ready for California.


Shadow, telling me it aint so bad with a smile

Shadow, telling me it aint so bad with a smile

Heres a few pics taken over the months. I wish I had taken more photos, especially of people. But then, Im not the kind of guy to carry a camera around and be constantly snapping: I prefer to look at things with my eyes. Here is a poor subset of what really went on!

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